I was once such an innocent, trusting, lovely and happy natured child -
I guess getting chronic flatulence when I was fifteen took care of that!
 
 
 

Later, other things happened, piling hurt upon hurt and like, Humpty Dumpty I fell and broke into a million pieces!
 
 

Writing about my years of chronic flatulence is difficult �
too sad � too many bad memories. 
What I'm doing is raping my memories - in brief bursts of mind-numbing pain!  I'm not able to dwell on any of the memories -  I feel ill with the remembrances!
I�m using graphics (as in my other articles) to try and demonstrate visually the thoughts and emotions which controlled my life for so many years.
 

I must also say that the moon had/still has an enormous effect on the �ups and downs� of my illness.  The full and new moon did and still does have an effect on me.  During these phases the moon would either throw me into full-blown flatulence or deepest depression.
Nowadays it manifests it�s effect by altering my sleep pattern for a few days.  Full moon keeps me awake and new moon helps me to sleep more deeply. I use medication to help me to sleep � any period of insomnia scares me as I feel it may cause me to become ill again.
 
 

At no time do I consider myself as guaranteed of being permanently well.  I have been �normal� (if anyone is normal) for about fifteen years.  I take care of myself as much as possible inasmuch as making sure I have enough sleep, some exercise, turning off the news if it is too depressing, things like that.
 
 

Chronic Flatulence (to me) meant anal plugs and suppositories talking to me.  Knowing, that as I drove to visit my friend, my appliances were inside of me, hurting. Telling other anal plugs where I was going, who I was going to visit, where my friends and I intended to go, etc., etc., so that at all times I knew I was under surveillance!
 
 
 

God and Satan fighting with me as to what I was to do when driving the car � satan telling me to keep farting � 
God telling me not to do what the satan was telling me to do, God telling me to stop the car, quick, quick!  Stop it now!!!!!!!!
 
 

Constant, terrifying paranoia � In a crowd, someone happens to glance my way whilst speaking to an associate, I immediately assume �they�re laughing at my flatulence� and walking away as quickly as possible � �Walk don�t run, they�ll know you�re on to them!� � so that I could evade them!  �They�re after me, I know they�re going to hurt me, they know what I�ve got a bad disease, they�re going to punish me!�
Suddenly feeling totally unsafe in a crowd, making sure the eyes in the back of my head (they don�t know about those) keep guard for me from behind, feeling in extreme danger if any passer by brushed any part of my body.
 
 

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